What crime novel would you most like to have written?
I would love to have written SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, and not just for all the residuals and royalties, but also because it is a groundbreaker and I think that is a part of what all writers are trying to do; redefine a genre, become the new standard. And I think that is what Thomas Harris did with SILENCE.
What fictional character would you most like to have been?
I think I would like to have been Doctor Watson. Watson followed Holmes around taking notes, so he was involved in the thrilling adventures but also got to do what I love best: write. Having to fight in the Afghan wars might be a bit of a drawback.
Who do you read for guilty pleasures?
I do occasionally fall back on the big crime writers like Jo Nesbo or Michael Connelly. They are always reliable fun, especially on a holiday. Of course I seethe with jealousy as I read but these guys undeniably put a top class thriller together. John Sandford is another one.
Most satisfying writing moment?
I think when Artemis Fowl was voted the UK’s favourite Puffin Classic ever. In your face, Roald Dahl. Sorry, that was childish.
The best Irish crime novel is …?
That’s a hard one. I do like me a bit of Ken Bruen. I love AMERICAN SKIN. But I would have to throw EIGHTBALL BOOGIE in there, and also an old collaboration novel I really enjoyed called YEATS IS DEAD in which Pauline McLynn and Marian Keyes totally crushed the opposition.
What Irish crime novel would make a great movie?
I think my last crime book, PLUGGED, would be a good a good movie, but besides my stuff I think MYSTERY MAN by Colin Bateman would possibly be the funniest crime movie ever, in the right hands. It’s probably being made as I type.
Worst / best thing about being a writer?
The best thing about being a writer is that you are allowed to choose your own music in the office and also build a shrine to your own accomplishments. The worst thing is that there are not many things sadder than a middle aged man looking at pictures of himself when he was for a brief moment cool, while listening to Whitesnake.
The pitch for your next book is …?
It’s a time travel trilogy where the FBI have discovered a wormhole and are using it to hide federal witnesses in the past.
Who are you reading right now?
I am reading SNOWDROPS by AD Miller, a brilliant evocation of new Russia and the crime that is rife there.
God appears and says you can only write OR read. Which would it be?
I would have to say read. Otherwise I could only read my own stuff and how shit would that be. Especially since I wrote it.
The three best words to describe your own writing are …?
Day by Day.
Eoin Colfer’s THE LAST GUARDIAN, the last in the Artemis Fowl series of novels, is published by Puffin.
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